


The Alien Man

by gooeyWitch (DeviiPyjamas)



Series: Xenobellum [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bulges and Nooks, Hermaphroditic Trolls, Humanstuck, Other, Tags May Change, Warnings May Change, Xeno, a little bit, aradia is human, eridan is mostly the same, kind of, sollux is human, theyre all a little ooc for this one sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-12 20:31:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2123658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeviiPyjamas/pseuds/gooeyWitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You swear your day had started out normal.</p>
<p>And then you found yourself sitting in your recliner with an alien man sprawled on your couch.</p>
<p>(title may change)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Alien Man

**Author's Note:**

> im not even gonna lie i came up with this whole au while drawing a thing for the nsfw otp challenge  
> and then it got out of hand
> 
> also i feel i should put their heights here
> 
> sollux and aradia are both 5'10" (177.8cm)  
> eridan is just really tall i havent decided if im keeping my headcanon (humanstuck) height for him or not (which is 6'7"/200.66cm)

You swear your day had started out normal.

 

You woke up, groggily made your way to the bathroom, and showered. Then you had coffee. Then you went back to the bathroom and brushed your teeth. You put on your shoes and walked out the door. Normal enough.

 

You met up with your friend Aradia. Also normal. She chatted animatedly about various topics as you slowly woke up. Normal. She suggested that the two of you cut through an alleyway so you could get to work faster. Not normal, but you'd done it before, so you didn't question it.

 

However, the alleyway was where it stopped being normal. The two of you were stopped by a bunch of thugs, technically normal considering it's the city. Just not normal for the two of you.

 

Aradia was reaching for the blade you knew was strapped to her thigh when a shadow fell upon one of the thugs, and he screamed. Said shadow moved to the next, and the next, until the lead thug was the only one left. He booked it out of there as soon as he could.

 

“Who are you? Show yourself!” Aradia called out at the shadow, which was hiding in – obviously – the shadows. The shadow stepped out into the light, and it was a little too obvious it wasn't human.

 

It – he? – was tall. With grey skin and what appeared to be gills on its neck. Thick, black hair sat on its head and made a nest for the two large, pale yellow horns that zigzagged out of it. Fins took the place of ears, and its eyes were bright, almost glowing with yellow sclera and deep violet irises and a white speck for the pupil.

 

You and Aradia both screamed. The thing screamed as it threw itself backwards and tripped over the unconscious – you hope – bodies of the thugs. It flailed around as it tried to regain its balance, and you laughed. You laugh when you get too nervous or scared. So you laughed.

 

The thing looked up from its place on the pavement. Your laughing got a little more hysterical, and you started coughing (you choked on air). Then the thing laughed. From what you could tell, it had a nasally but deep voice. Aradia was just staring in shock. You and the thing fell silent.

 

Aradia and the thing stared at each other. Aradia took a deep breath and said, “what are you?”

 

“I'm a troll.” Well, it definitely had a nasally voice. Very snooty sounding.

 

“A... Troll?”

 

“Yeah. From another planet. A' alien to you, I guess.”

 

“What are you doing on earth?”

 

“I'm- I can't tell you, you're _humans_.” It said the word with such repugnance, you were offended. Though you don't like humans much yourself.

 

“What's that supposed to mean? What are you on earth for?”

 

“I'm supposed to scope the place out.”

 

“What for?”

 

“Wwell... I can't say! I wwasn't evven supposed to tell you that!”

 

“Why the fuck not?” Aradia was getting stressed. And a little angry. Her eyes always seemed to glow when she got angry. They were starting to glow. The thing noticed.

 

“Because I'm under oath,” he said as he stood. He towered over you. “But I can tell you anythin else that _doesn't_ relate to wwhere I'm from or wwhy I'm here.”

 

“What's your name?”

 

“Eridan Ampora.”

 

“Age?”

 

“Erm. A little ovver ten swweeps – or I guess twwenty-two human years.”

 

“Are you male or female?”

 

“Erm. Male, I guess.”

 

“You guess?”

 

“Wwe're a hermaphroditic species. But dependin on howw all the parts devvelop, your sex is considered either male or female. If both parts devvelop wwell, it's up to the individual.”

 

“Interesting.”

 

“Is that all?”

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“I don't know, I just got here.” Aradia was silent for a moment.

 

“Stay with Sollux.”

 

“What?” you had screeched. You sent her a look of rage.

 

“What? I can't keep him. You live alone.”

 

“I don't want him!”

 

“I'm offended.” You glared at the “troll”.

 

“Well he needs somewhere to go. And you got room.” She did a weird double gun gesture at that. The look she gave you was what made you give in.

 

And then you found yourself sitting in your recliner with an alien man sprawled on your couch.

 

Not normal.

 

**Author's Note:**

> im terrible at writing aradia so im sorry if shes awful
> 
> also about what eridan said about being a hermaphroditic species -
> 
> in this au, the trolls have both reproductive parts, but the one that develops better determines sex
> 
> the one that doesnt develop as well is less fertile- though in eridans case his nook cant be used at all because it never developed right
> 
> and there are instances where they develop equally well and its simply up to the individual troll which theyd rather use, etc


End file.
